tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50215419431839989952024-03-05T03:32:33.414-08:00Living life happy and fulfilledHere are my honest unfiltered assertions about myself, life, and the universe as a whole.
My highest and best are what I look to bring forth in the world. With love, joy, and humility.
Thank you for coming.
Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-45592457413689972412014-03-25T22:07:00.002-07:002014-03-25T22:07:57.386-07:00New Blog Posts over at my new Wordpress blog. See my latest blog post for the lesson I learned today at my new blog: davekester.wordpress.comAvermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-69179785624728682682014-03-24T13:39:00.001-07:002014-03-24T13:39:52.138-07:00Moving my BlogWelcome!<div>
<br />Hello.</div>
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I am moving my blog to wordpress. I've had some technical issues with blogspot around trouble for people posting comments so i'm going to start blogging on that site. </div>
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<a href="http://davekester.wordpress.com/">davekester.wordpress.com</a></div>
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Thanks for understanding and following me there. </div>
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Dave</div>
Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-29772710423729246542014-03-22T17:01:00.000-07:002014-03-23T14:24:36.285-07:00Work-Life Balance : Commitments and Boundaries<div class="tr_bq">
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Welcome! Thank you stopping by. It is a great pleasure to write these articles.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-ad1b4656-ec3b-67ce-f056-a7c359e8e5e5" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have spent my career working in the high-tech industry. The high-tech industry has provided me with steady work and great opportunities to grow and succeed for more than 20 years. During my career, one of the greatest struggles I've had is the management of my personal work-life balance. In this post I'm going to explain a few things I've done as part of effectively managing myself to achieve my desired work-life balance. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Work-life balance is almost a joke in many companies. Most of high-tech industry has set the work hours between 45 and 50 per week. I'm not talking about expected overtime. This 45-50 is the normal work week. Add on top of that the expectation of extra effort and you are finding yourself working 60 hour weeks.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Early in my career, I started out as a software engineer and then moved into project management. I remember one especially tough time in my career when, for a period of two years, I worked more than 60 hours per week. Sometimes I would work more than 40 hours in a row. The longest single working session was 68 hours without stopping.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As you can imagine this kind of workload was due to many factors that also increased my personal stress load. Eventually I had a 3 am panic attack at work.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This led to a recalibration of my work-life balance. In the re-calibration I did find a lot of relief from many of the factors that impacted project performance. I was relieved from much of my stress and I'm glad to say I've never had a repeat of the events that led to my panic attack. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The following are a set of rights and their corresponding boundaries I developed to help me avoid the kind of catastrophic issues that led to my sense of overwhelm at work. These boundaries evolved from many things but their core comes from the "Teflon Coating" I talked about in my </span><a href="http://davekester.blogspot.com/2014/03/commitment_5.html" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">blog post on Commitment </span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and the Developer's Bill Of Rights identified by Steve McConnell in his book </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Software Project Survival Guide</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. You can find them referenced </span><a href="http://amr-noaman.blogspot.com/2008/10/customer-and-project-team-bill-of.html" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">in this article on the Tales of Agile Software Development blog</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">These personal boundaries helped me in moving away from 60+ hour work weeks, the overwhelming feelings of inadequacy, and the failure to produce top quality work products. They are: </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is expected that the project sponsors, customers, and leadership will set the project objectives and clarify priorities. -- </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Boundary: I will not work in an environment where objectives and priorities are not clear.</span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is expected that I will be given detailed descriptions in enough clarity for me to understand the products I am to create. -- </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Boundary: I will not work on tasks where the requirements and specifications are unclear to me.</span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is expected that I will be allowed to work with customers, managers, and other team members where the entire organization is held to the same project commitments. -- </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Boundary: I will not be held to project deadlines that are not shared by all of the team members, customers, and leadership team members. </span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is expected that I am allowed to work in a technically responsible way, so as not to be forced to implement the product until the design is completed. -- </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Boundary: I will not start coding before the design is completed.</span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I will determine the effort and schedule estimates for any work I am to perform. -- </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Boundary: I will not be held to deadlines determined by estimates I did not create.</span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am allowed to accurately report my work effort so that the entire team can review the estimates and commitments during the execution of the project. -- </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Boundary #1: I will not work on projects where there is no allowed estimation error; Boundary #2: When additional requirements are revealed to me I will re-estimate my effort and update my estimate for completion.</span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I will work in</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> a productive environment free from frequent interruptions and distractions, especially during critical parts of the project. -- </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Boundary: I will not work if my environment is not conducive to effective work effort. Specifically, my environment should be clear of any distractions be they sights, sounds, or smells.</span></div>
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</ul>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My involvement in activities (training, meetings, etc..) that do not directly affect my work products will be minimal, and I will be supported in reducing effort on tasks that do not add value to the execution of my work, unless to do so would cause potential financial harm to the company. -- </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Boundary: I will not allow anyone to add additional work to my plate that is not scheduled into my normal work time.</span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My teammates are responsible for holding their own boundaries and obtaining the levels of productivity they commit to. -- </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Boundary: I will not be held responsible for the lack of productivity or boundaries of others.</span></div>
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</ul>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I am working on creating estimates, it’s my responsibility to ensure that I have thought through the entire problem I'm having presented to me, and to ensure that my estimates are accurate and complete to the best of my knowledge. -- </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Boundary: I will not commit to estimates that I do not believe I can complete.</span></div>
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</ul>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When my actual effort and schedule do not match my estimates I will notify the management of my project as soon as possible so they are aware and can take the appropriate action. -- </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Boundary: I will not act like I'm making effective progress when I am not. </span></div>
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</ul>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Progress towards any significant work effort is completed in manageable work tasks. I will decompose the project into a set of work products using an effective work methodology that allows me to finish visible and complete work products at least once every two weeks. -- </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Boundary: I will produce a solid work product that others can review and use at least as frequently as once every two weeks.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">With these boundaries I am taking responsibility of my work load and commitments.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This means that if I am having trouble maintaining a work-life balance, it is up to me to fix the problem, either by living by my boundaries, or by changing my commitments. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know that as you read this you may have strong reactions as to why these boundaries are hard. You may feel that the company you work for won't allow you to hold them. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You have hundreds if not thousands of reasons to think that. I can only offer that, like you, I also felt that way. But by doing my best at holding my boundaries and taking ownership of the problems I face, I have transformed my experiences and found great relief from the anxiety that led me to a poor work-life balance.</span></div>
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Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-9429334939150746442014-03-20T22:27:00.001-07:002014-03-20T22:29:05.900-07:00What Does Love Look Like?<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;">Welcome! Today I'm writing a post prompted once again by the <a href="http://theseekersdungeon.com/2014/03/20/dungeon-prompts-season-2-week-12-what-does-love-look-like/">DungeonPrompt</a>. The prompt this week is “What Does Love Look Like?”</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;">I love the word love. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;">Love is the energy of the sun upon my back warming me while I walk on a cool beach here in the Northwest.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;">Love is the empathy that brings tears to my eyes when I hear the pain borne by a friend in their childhood.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;">Love is my grandmother rubbing my eight-year-old toes after I had gone into a rage at my brother.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;">Love is the smell of my grandfather's roast that has cooked all the while we went to church.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;">Love is the librarian at the Wasilla Public library who put me to work shelving books when I came there after school when I was struggling the most with my family. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;">Love is the presence of God listening to me when I walked alone on the college campus lost when my roommates had pressured me to move out by playing cruel jokes on me.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;">Love is the money my grandfather sent when I was almost unable to pay for school. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;">Love is a feeling that comes over me when I see my children.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;">I feel like there is a simple story to tell to explain how far away from love I once felt even though I know now that I was never without love. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;">When I was 15 I was homeless in Alaska and winter was coming. I was filled with anger and hurt. I was known to my family as having a heart of ice. I cared for no one's feelings. I enjoyed making fun of people and sometimes hurting them physically. During this time I was disconnected from God and, it can be said, felt no joy in my life. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;">But even in this place God and people would not abandon me. A parent came to our school one day. She was there to tell us about what it was like to become a Certified Public Accountant (CPA). I was mesmerized. At that very moment, in what was my darkest time, I saw a light -- a light that I could become something. I could do what she did and learn to be an accountant. I could overcome all the circumstances in my life, get a master's degree, and become a CPA. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;">Some people dream of being pro-football players. Some people dream of being actors. I dreamed of being a CPA. The warmth of that dream gave me warmth on cold nights. The universe had heard my plea from deep inside my despair and brought me an answer. I took that lifeline as a way out of the pain.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;">I still believe that the CPA who came to talk to us that day kept me from doing something more drastic to get attention and cope with my pain. The hope she gave me was tangible and I call that gift she gave me Love. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;">Love is the thing that happens when I put my ego aside and humbly fill my heart with gratitude, while I wait for the universe to hear my prayers and engage me in the act of creation.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;">I am love. You are love. We are love.</span></span>Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-15703112350488989952014-03-18T23:00:00.001-07:002014-03-19T22:46:58.563-07:00The Power In My Name<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Welcome! Thank you for coming to read my post.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Today I sat at a different desk for a time so I could be near the sunshine. When I mentioned this to other people in the office they looked at me as if I'm crazy because the sky was clouded over. I explained that I consider all natural light as sunshine, be it through the clouds or not.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Then I saw <span id="docs-internal-guid-c0107438-d8ef-9e41-bd42-0416eedb1ba1"><a href="http://theseekersdungeon.com/2014/03/18/the-making-of-a-name/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">this post from Sreejit on his blog The Seekers Dungeon</span></a></span> about his name and his relationship to it, and then read the <span id="docs-internal-guid-c0107438-d8ef-dcfd-8b05-cbcb25abad53"><a href="http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/17/writing-challenge-names/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">DailyPost Wordpress Blog</span></a></span> prompt: THE POWER OF NAMES.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This post is in response to their prompt.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The idea of the power of names got me thinking about my naming of the light earlier in the day, and this got me thinking about the power of words in general.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">As a manager I've learned through anecdotal observation about the power of my words. The power to create expectation and define projects. Through my words I define the acceptability of work performance for my team. By the use of labels I apply to the outcomes from the work of others I define their level of success. I define many things by the names I give them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This observation doesn't come to me without some amount of awe at the level of personal power we all have. My realization is that we each and all have great power via our words. The realization comes with some desire to live up to that power.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">That's not to say I came to this realization through some epiphany. To the contrary, I've been learning about the personal power of our words from some pretty great people -- specifically, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don_Miguel_Ruiz" style="line-height: 1.15; text-decoration: none;"><span style="text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Don Miguel Ruiz</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">,</span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Byron_Katie" style="line-height: 1.15; text-decoration: none;"><span style="text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Byron Katie</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, and </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthony_Robbins" style="line-height: 1.15; text-decoration: none;"><span style="text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Anthony Robbins</span></a><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">As I mentioned in my post on <span id="docs-internal-guid-c0107438-d8f0-b9dd-9737-c6bb4c540487"><a href="http://davekester.blogspot.com/2014/03/secrets.html" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Secrets</span></a></span>, Don Miguel Ruiz charges us to be<span id="docs-internal-guid-c0107438-d8f0-d498-db55-95981813bf38"><a href="http://www.toltecspirit.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> impeccable with our word</span></a></span>. Ruiz's assertion is that our words are like spells. Spells we cast with the power of our voice. His challenge therefore is far greater than just living in integrity. We must strive to not only keep from saying things that break us down, but also to use the power we have to achieve our highest and best. It’s not enough to just exist. We must celebrate and thrive through the use of our words.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Byron Katie calls upon us to look at our version of reality as our projection of our internal fears onto the world, to run our words through a process she calls <span id="docs-internal-guid-c0107438-d8f1-0571-9e16-be762810c9f9"><a href="http://www.thework.com/thework.php" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Work</span></a></span>. She challenges us to turn our words around. By turning our negative judgments of others into positive affirmations we can look at the world through a different lens. By turning our words back on ourselves we can see how our judgments are really fueled by our own low self esteem and fear of how we might be seen in the world.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Anthony Robbins challenges us to reprogram our brains using<span id="docs-internal-guid-c0107438-d8f1-4651-9649-f62330222944"><span style="vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuro_Linguistic_Programming" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Neuro-linguistic programming</span></a></span>. Tony's recipe for our transformation starts with the words we use -- to use our language to reprogram our brains.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So with this wisdom and understanding of the power of words, I look back upon my relationship to my name. You might question the use of the word “relationship”, but I think it may be a more powerful relationship than any other relationship I've had. You see, my name is the single representation of my entire being. Invoking it invokes all of my conscious and subconscious beliefs about myself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The name David James Kester was given to me by my mom. Named for my father, David E. Kester, and grandfather, James McLoed. I was almost instantly seen as a replication of these men -- not only a genetic prodigy, but in some ways as a surrogate for them, at times taking the anger that should have been directed at them, at other times falling short of living up to the model they represented.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The strong stoic image my grandfather presented was a high bar that as a young man I could never reach, while my father's search for release from inner demons irritated folks and left them wondering about his capabilities, morals, and ethics. I had the demanding task of creating a new concept of self while still operating in their shadows.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">From my earliest memories I can still recall my mother telling me I was just like my dad. In middle school I became bitter towards my father, focusing on his shortcomings. In my high school years I was referred to as “Little D”, which, when I was feeling down, I saw as a pejorative. As a result, I was often sarcastic about it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">As I grew into adulthood my greatest struggle was in earning my own reputation and a name for myself. For twenty years, I could not seem to throw this name off. Internally I was still “less than”.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Now I know it was because I did not understand the power I was giving to the names others gave me. In my codependence, I could not separate and create my own reality. I could not name myself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Then in 2003 I began to transform that codependent attitude -- I stopped going by “David” and started going by “Dave”. I began to define myself in my terms. For a while I would even sign my emails “Dvae”, making use of a typo to differentiate even further my internal state of myself from the names others applied to me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">As I began to define myself in my terms, the name David James Kester began to take a more complex form -- a man defined not by the definitions of my family, but instead by my own definitions. A man worthy of the name. A man who strives to do his work, adhere to his principles, and to believe in himself. A creator, a father, a mentor, a guide, a way shower, a light to others.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">My dad passed away years ago now. I have not been called “Little D” in almost half a decade. But I know that today, even being called that, I would no longer let that name define me. I define my own name. I am in charge of finding and determining my destiny. I am in love with the name Dave because in one syllable, I can define the very complex person I am. In those four letters, I can let anyone know the power of me. I can share my dreams with you. I can share my wisdom with you. I can share my life with you. Just through the sharing of my name, you can come to know me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I AM DAVE! HEAR ME ROAR!</span></div>
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Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-37272154874061787022014-03-16T21:18:00.000-07:002014-03-16T21:41:43.764-07:00Going it Alone vs Having a Posse of Support<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-35808615-ce3a-bc2c-10aa-6cf806169d8e" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yesterday I made a comment to someone that they were a joy to be around. Right after I made that comment it came to me to ask myself, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Am I joy to be around?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I honestly had a tough time with this question. I rarely consider myself in those terms. The reasons I don’t see myself in this way go back to the earliest part of my life when I made some decisions about how the world was and how I was in it.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I realized that I think of myself as going it alone.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> You cannot be a joy to others when you are all alone. That made me feel a bit angry and chagrined at the same time. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then it dawned on me. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What if I was never going it alone? What if instead I've always had family, friends, and co-workers with me. What if instead of my belief that I’m alone I am in fact connected, interdependent, and part of a grand community? What if the belief I created for myself more than 40 years ago wasn't true? What if the world was on my side and had my back?</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well, in that case, I’d have had a posse. I’d have had people around me all the time. I’d have had love abounding. I’d have had support when I needed it. I’d have reached out to people when I was feeling low. I’d have a completely different experience of the world. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But then why did I make the choice to go it alone? Which was true? Did I have to go it alone or was the world there to help me and I was just ignorant of it? What if both were true? What if I did have support but in order to learn the value of that support I had to spend time thinking I was going it alone? What if the reason I went it alone was to simply have the experience of isolation and abandonment in order to come to this place and this realization?</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let’s consider this. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My first posse was my family. Here is where I made a decision to go it alone. My parents loved me but they had a lot of personal issues. I decided that their unavailability at certain times meant I needed to go it alone. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So as a boy I learned to not rely on people unless I in turn was doing something for them. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I was five my dad asked me if I wanted to come live with him. My answer was, “Then who would take care of my mom?”</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Already at this age I had established in my mind a world order. A world order that meant I had to go it alone and when I needed others I had convince them to help me. My trick was to solve problems for them. Then I could get what I needed.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I had made a decision that codependency was a workable life strategy. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now, as I change and grow I realize that I have spent much of my lifetime hunkered down in survival mode, using old strategies. Now I discard those old strategies for new ones. Instead of survival mode I’m in thriving mode. In order to thrive I must live from a place of joy. If I am living in joy why would I go it alone?</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The answer to me is, “I wouldn't”, and in fact I’m not. I just haven’t realized it in these terms. I hadn't transitioned my thinking to realize that these days I’m never going it alone. I have a lot of people in my posse: </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<ul style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have God</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have my family</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have my friends</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have my therapy community</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have my co-workers</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have you all</span></div>
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</ul>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I live in an abundance of support, encouragement, and friendship.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The truth is that I live connected and bound to many people. My realization this weekend is that I do not have to ever act like I’m going it alone. I do not have to hunker down when my mood is low. I do not have to </span><a href="http://davekester.blogspot.com/2014/03/secrets.html" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">hide when I make a mistake</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. I do not have to seclude myself with my </span><a href="http://davekester.blogspot.com/2014/03/dreaming-big-possibilities-scare-me.html" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">small dreams</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I can ride with a posse in the hunt for my next adventure. I can take the liberty to explain my problems to another. I can get their help and support when my mood is down. I can live in joy and thrive in community.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I hope that if you do not have it already that you to can come to this realization that you are connected and discard the belief that you are alone. You too can look for the support that is around you. It may appear hidden. It may seem unavailable from those around you who are caught in their own isolation and fear, but a posse awaits you. It may be in the form of new friends. It may not look like you expect it to. It may be that you must make the first connections and ask for the support you need. I encourage you to look for it as if it was a matter of life and death.</span></div>
Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-89441452149003932002014-03-13T19:30:00.000-07:002014-03-14T00:11:19.205-07:00Secrets<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Welcome! You are awesome! Thank you for the chance to share my ideas with you.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-a90bce65-bf6d-d78a-9785-24e73036c6ca" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This week’s </span><a href="http://theseekersdungeon.com/category/dungeon-prompts/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">DungeonPrompt</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> is SECRETS.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My first reaction to this prompt was to not do it. The word secrets brings up shame from my past. But I have a commitment to blog and so I turned toward my fear and let go my anxiety about it. After releasing my anxiety I realized I hadn’t updated my perception of myself. You see…</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In my childhood there were all kinds of secrets. Secrets I kept from my grandmother about the things I did at my house during the week. Secrets I kept from my mom so I wouldn't get in trouble. Secrets I kept from everyone because I was scared that they would be angry at me. But the darkest were the secrets I kept from myself. The secret that I wasn't really safe in the world. The secret that even God didn't love me unless I did what he wanted.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I believed in that young age that all of these secrets kept me safe. I determined that to be sneaky was to be in control.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sometimes even today that older version of me still stored in my subconscious leaks into my conscious mind. He told me to not write this article. He told me to keep this part of myself a secret.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I love him but he no longer drives the boat.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the intervening years I have, of course, gained further refinements to my understanding of secrets. I learned that having secrets was more complex than I first thought.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In some cases keeping secrets had a positive result:</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Demonstrating integrity</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Being trustworthy</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Respecting boundaries</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Avoiding gossip</span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In other cases keeping a secret was less impeccable:</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Playing it close</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Not telling all of the story</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Acting ignorant or playing it dumb</span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And at the times when I was most out of integrity secrets allowed me to:</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hide things</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lie outright</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Spread a rumor</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: disc; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Gain control</span></div>
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</ul>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let’s just say I developed a complex relationship with secrets. :) </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In 2003 I made an agreement to not be sneaky and lie. Around this same time I obtained a copy of the book, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) by Don Miguel Ruiz.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> In the book the agreement to be Impeccable with my word seemed right but when I looked at the descriptions in the book that younger version of me started to look for loopholes. I was up against a lifetime of using secrets to make myself feel safer.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">From then I worked on holding myself accountable for being sneaky and worked to determine what was driving me underneath anytime I was not impeccable with my word. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As I worked on this I found several themes:</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I was afraid I was more willing to forgo my integrity and lie</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I was angry I was more willing to tell a story that made me look good</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I was sad I was more willing to be disappointed and to act hurt by others</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Shame and guilt from my lack of integrity only led to cycles of deceit</span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So today I've learned that for me the challenge of being impeccable with my word has more to do with my internal state than any issue of self control, morality, or discipline. I am able to live in my integrity when I am not being driven by my emotional reactions. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Patience with myself, self-forgiveness for my wrongs, and humility about who I am instead of shame and guilt are the path to living in my integrity. Through the blessing of God and the healing of love I can stay in my integrity, for love is the source of my patience, forgiveness, and humility.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As I increase my self-esteem and unveil my true potential and capabilities, I am less and less reactionary. When I’m more comfortable in my skin, I listen to that scared internal kid less and less. Those old memories come back from time to time like a long lost friend. I can treat them with love but not let them get a hold of me.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">However, the road of life has potholes. So the secrets I keep and the lack of integrity I might show from inside a pothole are not a reflection of my highest self. They are instead reflections of my fear and frustration born from the rut in the road. With sincere kindness for self I will slow down for the potholes so I can pass through them without so much chaos, fear, or anger. </span></div>
<br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thanks to Sreejit for another great Prompt. Thanks to you for reading and sharing in my blog. I wish love, joy, and serenity to you. </span></div>
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Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-65786435273741201692014-03-12T22:08:00.004-07:002014-03-12T23:25:50.569-07:00Complexity<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Welcome! Thanks for stopping by to read my post. I really appreciate everyone who comes to read my posts. Thank you.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-a1f5b1df-b9d1-bf6c-2829-99c1f1d453cf" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Senge" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Peter Senge</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> wrote an excellent book </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fifth_Discipline" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Fifth Discipline</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> that I read many years ago. It’s an excellent read that got me started into an area of study called </span><a href="https://www.solonline.org/?SystemsThinking#top" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Systems Thinking</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">His book and some personal observations gave me a lot of guidance on how to approach problems both professionally and personally. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The premise I based my observations on is that the complexity of a system is derived from three factors:</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The number of inputs to the system that have an impact on the outputs</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The time delay between cause and effect</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The variability of effects interventions can have on the final outcome</span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My goal is to understand these elements of any problem, place, or group so I can operate inside them effectively.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Before I lose you let me get to the point. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When we feel frustrated, confused, or powerless, it’s often born out of the complexity of the situation and our our lack of understanding of what is happening and not anything actually untoward happening. We want things to be simpler so we can predict the outcomes and feel safer. When we can’t, many of us freak out and predict bad things are coming.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is why so much of the time we get frustrated when things don't go the way we predict or are used to. This is why many enlightened people like Gandhi recommend “seeking first to understand.” Gaining knowledge of a system will help us feel safer and thus our interactions in the situation will be more clear-headed.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The challenge is that being part of the human experience, we often find ourselves in places and groups where the complexity is beyond our understanding, and the sense of urgency for us to take action is immediate, e.g. interacting with our in-laws, buying a house, interacting with a government agency, working in a new company, etc... </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In these situations we have to remind ourselves that its OK to feel out of control and to find resources who can help us. In some cases we employ people, e.g. therapists, and lawyers. In other cases these people have a shared interest in the situation, e.g.bosses, mentors, advocates, spouses, and partners.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So when you feel frustrated or even angry at the situation, remind yourself that you can take a moment. In that moment remind yourself that you aren't in a terrible situation. In the moment between two seconds you can let go of your fear or frustration and decide instead to ask questions, take the time you need to analyze, and to ask for help. Getting information, taking the time you need and getting support will help you get grounded and act in ways that advocate for yourself and help you achieve your needs and goals.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One final note I'll make on this -- if you find that for your life feels out of your control all the time, realize that you may be in a process where you create complexity and that the solution doesn't come from other people but from inside. You may just need to simplify your life. As the Alcoholics Anonymous slogan goes, "KISS: keep it simple [silly]."</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thank you for sharing in my blog experience. Its a true pleasure to share these with you.</span></div>
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Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-40292850599224051022014-03-10T21:14:00.002-07:002014-03-11T10:34:07.732-07:00Confronting yourself is loving yourself<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-935485d3-af54-2478-e5f9-2144f2b6e3d5"></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Welcome! Thank you for checking out my blog. I appreciate you taking the time to read what I have written. Perhaps you will share some of your thoughts inspired by what is here in the comments below or share this blog with a friend.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Last year I reached a point where it was time to work on my health </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">again</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. I was nervous to confront my weight, I was frustrated by how hard it was to lose weight, and I had a behavior of indulgence when my mood was down.</span><br />
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I went to the doctor as part of my process and there the doctor confronted me with my high blood pressure, high blood sugar, and the conclusion that my problems were mostly caused by being overweight. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I sat confronted by my behaviors, confronted with the natural consequences of my behavior, the cost of which was going to be ongoing health problems unless I changed something now.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But I didn't want to give up my indulgences. I didn't want to change my eating. The self medicating those indulgences provided reduced my stress and made me happy, so instead of confronting my opinions and reactions I could just eat away my discomfort. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Over the next six months I tried to discipline myself without the deep rooted changes I needed. I made modest progress. I lost weight. But my stress level was growing and my indulgences were hard to resist. It was a constant struggle. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Until late last year. I was facing the end of 2013 without much change to my health. Still on the medications. Still 50 lbs overweight. It was clear to me that for me to change I had to do something more serious. I had to confront my behavior of indulgence. I had to start parenting myself in much stronger and deeper ways. I had to get to the root of my discomfort and start to work on it. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I had to confront my expectations of abandonment and root out the beliefs that still affected my self-esteem.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But these are hard things to bring to the conscious mind. They are deeply rooted in my sub-conscious because they have been with me from the youngest of ages. So I made three agreements with myself:</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I would no longer treat hunger as an emergency.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I would determine my feelings when I thought I was feeling hungry</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I would work daily on my feelings of fear, guilt, or shame.</span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Throughout December and January I found this struggle daily. I lost 12 lbs in January and I was much more aware of what was going on with my feelings. Then it hit me. I was still discounting myself. I was still believing that something was wrong with me. I was still limiting myself. I was still using feelings of fear, guilt, and shame as sticks to create a need to indulge, only now I was just working on the feelings and working through them instead of indulging.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Up to this point my confrontations with myself had been about my behaviors. But now it was time to dive deeper. To dive down into the underlying beliefs. I knew this was going to be hard. I had tons of information and tools to help from the years of therapy, but I was missing one ingredient -- an unwillingness to accept my feelings of fear, guilt, or shame as conclusions to my situation. I needed an unwillingness to keep thinking of myself in negative terms. I wasn't ready to let go of my self doubt. It was still serving me somehow.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You might wonder, “but how would that serve you?” I have always gotten a lot of happiness by indulging myself. I have worked to change behavior but I still wanted to indulge myself with food, pride, self-pity, and media distraction.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But as my friend Karuna Poole wrote in <a href="http://livinglearningandlettinggo.wordpress.com/2014/03/10/living-in-gratitude/">her blog article<i> Living in Gratitude</i></a>, I was putting happiness ahead of Joy. I could accomplish feeling happy but I wasn't feeling the joy that awaited me on the other side. Then I did several things --</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I started listening to myself and my unhappiness.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I started focusing on what is right in my life.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I started sharing with people what was making a change in my life. </span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I started realizing how much happier I was when I was focused on positive energy and outcomes. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have started last week to spend ten days without being negative. Today is day three. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ll report back here with more outcomes I learn from this process. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" />Thanks for coming to my blog. I appreciate all the feedback I’m getting. </span></div>
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Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-68372339834821275722014-03-09T11:50:00.000-07:002014-03-09T11:50:43.813-07:00#ThisStruggleIsReal<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">Welcome! Thank you for coming to my blog. I appreciate you taking the time to read what I have written. Perhaps you will share some of your thoughts inspired by what is here in the comments below. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As some of you may remember from a post I made a few weeks ago I'm listening to audiobooks by </span><a href="https://www.tonyrobbins.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tony Robbins</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the latest chapter of </span><a href="http://www.audible.com/pd/Self-Development/Giant-Steps-Audiobook/B002V5J4RC/ref=a_search_c4_1_3_srImg?qid=1394388263&sr=1-3" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Giant Steps: Small Challenges To Make A Big Difference</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> he challenged me to take the 10-day challenge. His challenge is to always be in a positive, problem-solving attitude.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Today my eldest daughter introduced me to a hashtag she and her friends are using, #ThisStruggleIsReal.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My last post was on #DreamingBig which I've admitted is a challenge for me.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So all of this comes to together in my mind like a nice stew, the flavors mixing together over a slow heat -- the heat of life and living with intention.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What I'm left with is finding how all of these hashtags come together to make a great soup, #StayPositive #ThisStruggleIsReal #DreamBig.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">or am I suffering from #TooManyHashTags?</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">At first they appear as if this soup won’t work. How can they all be true at once? But then I had the one ingredient I seem to be missing too much in my life, #Hope.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">With this final ingredient my soup is starting to smell "AWESOME!"</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Keeping positive is a challenge to my critical, pragmatic thinking engine. Dreaming Big is a challenge to my critical, pragmatic thinking engine. Both are self-created obstacles. Yet at the same time, #ThisStruggleIsReal for me. When I try to force myself into thinking that my self-created obstacles should be nothing to overcome, when I discount the value this thinking engine has provided me in my life, when I try to force changes to behavior while still holding onto the beliefs of a lifetime, and when I act like what I've done and been in the past has not served me well, my mind starts to break into warring factions. Self-doubt is born from the confusion that is manifest.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is when hope pulls me from the confusion. Hope to me is the energy of acceptance and patience. Hope brings calmness to my life and gives me a moment to pause. Hope reminds me that all will be for my highest and best. Hope is trust that my future self will find how all of these ingredients do in fact come together in what can only be called Magnifique.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I'm reminded of something I heard </span><a href="http://amma.org/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Amma</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> once say when she was offering advice to someone, "This of course is easy for me to say as my tongue has no bones."</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I took from that statement that even though her direction was clear and obvious she understood that for the person, #ThisStruggleIsReal. If Amma can have patience and understanding for those who struggle from what are obvious, self-induced issues then I can too. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is my struggle. The struggle to remain positive when looking at how in my life I've trained my brain to question and point out the flaws in things. To keep in problem solving when I feel like falling into despair at the very idea of the changes. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I will continue to #StayPositive, #DreamBig, and at the same time know that #ThisStruggleIsReal. </span></div>
<br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thank you for participating in my life through the exchange of ideas. Bless you!</span></div>
Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-64598777848832144142014-03-07T07:55:00.000-08:002014-03-07T08:02:17.053-08:00Dreaming Big - The possibilities scare me into inaction.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">Welcome!
Today I'd like to thank you for reading my blog. It is a great
pleasure to write and share with you and I appreciate your taking the
time to read it.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">This
post is inspired by a blog prompt from <a href="http://theseekersdungeon.com/2014/03/06/dungeon-prompts-season-2-week-10-dreaming-big/">Dungeonprompts</a>. This week's
prompt is DREAMING BIG.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">To
dream big?!? When I grew up, dreams in our house were very small. Yet
we did dream all the same. We dreamed of my parents finding jobs. We
dreamed of having a good place to live. We dreamed of having more
than just enough to survive. Our home was full of small hopes. Hopes
that never died even through the adversity we faced. Each new place
and circumstance came with its own dreams.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">My
story begins there. As I grew up I learned to keep my eyes on the
ground in front of me. To keep my hopes and dreams small. To get what
I wanted and needed one step at a time. And I am glad to say that I
have come a long way one small dream at a time.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">But
to dream big? The very idea is daunting. To write this blog post
gives part of me a sense of dread. To that part of me dreaming big is
to suffer big disappointment, and to write about dreaming big makes
it that much closer to a reality. Thus it brings me that much closer
to inner death. The death of a dream born on the wings of adversity
and eventual disappointment.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">So
my internal pragmatist jumps in and takes over, keeping my vision
short-sighted and my hopes well within the level that my inner fears
will not be triggered by. Yet it's not a pragmatism born of knowledge
about how to go about achieving my goals. It's a pragmatism born of
my fear of falling short of my dreams. It's a very limiting
pragmatism.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">But
to dream big? The very idea creates feelings of anticipation. The
very thought of dreaming big is enough to get me (F)eeling (E)xcited
(A)nd (R)eady. My pulse rate rises and my mind races through the
paths of prediction, blazing through the imagined futures of my
possibilities.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">But
I am confused by this inner sense of readiness. It feels the same as
real fear. It reminds me of the pain of disappointment. It reminds me
that I never got to play the trumpet. It reminds me of Boy Scout
badges unearned. It reminds me of the fighting in my family and the
break-ups that forced us to move again and again. It reminds me of
the anger of others at me for staying in my room and working on my
games.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">In my mind all possibilities of achieving my dreams become blocked. So I flee back
away from those big dreams. I put my head down and continue along the
small dreams, the dreams my own limiting thinking believes are
possible.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">But
to dream big!! I never learned to be a quitter, but I have been
quitting. I have quit before I even began. I have quit to avoid the
anticipation of fear. Anxiety strikes again! </span></span></span></span>
</div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Until
this blog prompt I never focused my mind on the question. If I was to
dream big what dreams would I have?</span></span></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">I
have no five-year plans. I have no vision of myself beyond the next
iteration. All my goals and plans are related to small dreams. Don't
get me wrong. My goals have placed me along a path that can take me
far. But my vision on that path is placed firmly right on the ground
in front of my feet.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">To
dream big? You know, I don't really know what that is like to do. I
can imagine it's like walking with my head faced up to the sky of
possibility without knowing what my feet will encounter. But what if
I trip? What if I lose? What if I fail?</span></span></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Those
voices are strong, but I know them all too well. The voices that I
learned so long ago. Voices that do not now serve my highest and
best.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">So
today I will choose to Dream Big!</span></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Will
you dare with me to dream big? Will you share your dreams with me
here? Will you post a dream you are afraid to share out loud in the
comments below? Will you share with us here that thing that makes you
feel excited and ready? Will you?</span></span></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">I
will get us started.</span></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><i>I
dream to speak to groups and crowds and let my story serve as
inspiration to those whom it will. </i></span></span></span></span>
</div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><i>I
dream of meeting Tony Robbins and spending time sharing ideas with
him.</i></span></span></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><i>I
dream to publish a table-top role-playing game and a novel. </i></span></span></span></span>
</div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><i>I
dream to blog and vlog so others can remember, laugh, and cry along
with me.</i></span></span></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><i>I
dream to create and learn something new everyday, so that when I look
back there is a trail of works in my path of learning.</i></span></span></span></span></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Thank
you and bless you one and all for being present in, and participating
in, my life.</span></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
</div>
Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-62934323423122351862014-03-05T22:17:00.002-08:002014-03-06T08:39:23.694-08:00Commitment<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Welcome! Thank you for coming and giving me the opportunity to
share with you my ideas and thoughts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Today I'm thinking about commitments -- commitments I make to
myself, and how I often abandon them in the face of my perceived demands of
time and effort. This post is about that....<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Sometime in 2002 a friend and co-worker made an observation of me.
He said "Dave, this project is all screwed up, you are the PM [project manager],
and yet you are not being blamed. Nothing sticks to you. It is as if you have a
teflon coating."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">At the time this made me feel good. It made me feel safe. So I
analyzed why this was true. From this I developed the teflon coating strategy.
Here is the great secret that until now hasn't appeared in writing. :)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 13.5pt;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">When
you make a mistake be the first person to tell your immediate supervisor or
customer about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 13.5pt;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Do
not commit to things that you don't absolutely know you can do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 13.5pt;">·<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Produce
solid work products, at least one every two weeks, but preferably as often as
possible.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Shortly after this in late 2003, I was coaching a PM team on a
temporary contract and was confronted by my client. "I heard you're
telling my team how to avoid being blamed for things by applying a teflon
coating!", to which I replied with a smile.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">"Let me get this right. It would be a problem for you if
people came to you right away when they made a mistake, didn't tell you they
could do things they didn't really think they could, and produced a solid work
product as fast as possible?", to which he replied kind of sheepishly,
"well no."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">I thought of myself as one clever dude. Pats on my back all
around. My ego was happy. For a while the hole I felt inside from my lack of
personal fulfillment was filled.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Of course the strategy is actually a good thing to do. It helps
everyone involved. My sharing of this strategy actually has helped people out
many times, and most of them appreciated it. :)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">But what I failed to realize for myself, in my cleverness, was
that while I was doing good work and achieving results, I was ignoring my most
important customer -- myself. I used my strategies entirely to protect myself
from criticism by others and to gain the acceptance and appreciation of others.
I was dependent upon the outside validation, and I needed it to feel complete.
My cleverness was serving me and failing me at the same moment and I didn't
even know it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Here is the sequence of events where I abandon myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">I identify a problem I want to solve or something I want to create,
and I tell myself I will do it. I come up with a plan and thoroughly commit to
myself to follow through on it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Then this plan meets the perceived reality of my co-dependent
mind. With so much focus on the acceptance and appreciation of others there is
no place for my desires in the mental model. So I abandon my plan and
commitment before I even start. In order to I protect my own feelings, I act as
if I never made the commitment, choosing instead to be needless and wantless.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">This way of abandonment of myself is so easily done and so
pervasive in my past I honestly cannot fathom the number of times I've done it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">I've been working to change this for many years. And in many
places in my life I've had success. Recently, through work I'm doing on myself
around my weight, I've come to be aware of this process at a new level. I'm
acutely aware of how this process was feeding my desire to overeat. In order to
appease my inner self away from feelings of anger and sadness at my abandonment
of self, I indulged myself with food.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">So as expected, once awareness is had, I cannot return to blissful
ignorance. Once awareness dawns, here comes my higher power to challenge,
reward, and fill in my needs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Insert into my life Tony Robbins' book, Awaken The Giant Within,
my psychotherapy process, and my desire to achieve a biggest loser competition.
I daresay I cannot get off this road of change now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Tony's words come blasting out loud and clear in my new desire to
change -- "The power of decision will change your life." They are
followed quickly by the words of Vince Horan -- "your decision to be
needless and wantless worked for you in that old family system but it doesn't
work for you now."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Bam! Right in the face. Why am I making decisions to accomplish
things and not following through? Why am I unwilling to put my own needs and
wants out into the world?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Because I decided to a long time ago, and I'm still making that
decision.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Once the question is asked, the answer is there, and the opportunity
for change provided. Like a veil lifted. In the time between two seconds, I
find the time to change my decision. In the time between two seconds I can
decide to make a different commitment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">So now I'm applying the teflon coating internally -- To be
accountable to myself. To not tell myself I'll do something I don't know I can
absolutely do. To make good on my commitments to myself and produce the
creations and outcomes I have committed to myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">And you know what? The universe is conspiring to support me and
it's using people in my life to do it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">For example:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">I had an idea last year to create a stand for my iPad to make it
into a document camera. I put the idea into action and made a commitment to
myself to do it. I in fact got with a friend and built the stand. It was a
great dimensional prototype. But honestly looked bad. My decision was to find
someone to help me design it to look better but had no idea who. So I set a
time frame to reach out through my social network to see who I could find to
help me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">A day later, Erin, my wife, returned from a trip and I proudly
showed her my ugly duckling of a stand. Before I could say more than five words
she declares, "it's kinda ugly." To which I had a moment of fear
realized. But I let it pass without defense or comment. She was simply
stating her observations and I agreed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">But what came next surprised me. She simply said, "give me a
piece of drawing paper and a pencil." In fifteen minutes, she ripped out a
design that was beautiful as well as meeting the functional dimensions I had
already proven out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">I was blown away. I had in my hands the answer to my problem, a
solution I would never have seen had that ugly prototype not existed. I had
simply followed through on my commitment to myself to build the prototype. I
had set aside my fear of criticism and failure and made it anyway, and the
fascinating part was the realization that it was the imperfection of the
prototype that compelled Erin to action. She felt a desire to solve the obvious
problem in front of her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Without the failure of the prototype to be visually appealing, the
design would have not been created.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">My mind still boggles at that chain of events.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">By following through on my commitment, I had achieved more than I
had expected.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">What I know from my life is that an internal commitment is a
double-edged sword. Made too easily and sloppily, I can set myself up for
failure, leading to poor self esteem. However, living without needs and wants
means that I remain co-dependent and miserable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Today I will apply my strategy to my internal commitments and use
the teflon coating. I will share my commitments with others so the commitments
have a life beyond my mental box.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">I am committed to blogging here. I like it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Thank you all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-48527720974484734742014-03-02T19:12:00.000-08:002014-03-02T19:19:01.707-08:00Gratitude<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This post is in response to a <a href="http://theseekersdungeon.com/category/dungeon-prompts/">DungeonPrompt</a>. This weeks prompt is: GRATITUDE<br />
<div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="border: 0px; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 24px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i>“We respect nothing until we are grateful, until we take nothing for granted. There may be no quality which causes as quick a transformation from sorrow to joy, from depression to elation, from dejected futility to awakened usefulness than overflowing gratitude.”</i></div>
</div>
<div style="border: 0px; color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 24px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<i>- Aadil Palkhivala</i></div>
</div>
I have often wondered why people felt that there was such a strong impact on their happiness from gratitude. Every since I was kid I have thought I was grateful. Every year at Thanksgiving I had no trouble listing off a bunch of things I was grateful for. I could at any moment tell you something I was grateful for. And in genuine fashion I thought of myself as a person who did not take things for granted. I felt I was great at gratitude.<br />
<br />
However, I never found the serenity I was seeking no matter how many times I said the serenity prayer. I was always caught up in the anticipation of problems. It could be said I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.<br />
<br />
My mistake was that I thought gratitude was only about the past. I thought of it as framing up the past in a positive light. Finding the silver lining. Recognizing the value of others. Being grateful for what others did for me. I didn't realize how habitually and automatically I made assumptions that made it impossible for me to feel true gratitude.<br />
<br />
The greatest assumption I was unaware I was making was to assume I wasn't good enough or worthy enough to be loved without earning it. In that frame of mind I could have no true gratitude because in the end I framed everything as a transaction. One where I paid and earned the love.<br />
<br />
I have began over the last ten or eleven years to realize that I have very little gratitude towards myself. I have lived so long with the other shoe is going to drop that I have a tough time being in the moment grateful for everything around me. In the last three years I have began to see how habitual and automatic my subconscious has been in framing up the world to perpetuate my fear.<br />
<br />
Now I am framing up the world differently. I am working to let go my fear of problems and be grateful for everything that comes but most especially to be grateful for all the love I am shown.<br />
<br />
For me gratitude is about not fearing the future and about exploring life as a grand discovery. What will come next? I will strive to welcome it with my eyes wide open, arms spread wide, and with great joy. As I'm sure it will be amazing and helpful.<br />
<br />
I am grateful for each moment in my life.<br />
<br />
I am grateful for the opportunity to work on this post. Thanks <a href="http://shantini108.wordpress.com/2014/02/28/living-in-gratitude/">Karuna </a>for this Prompt.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
</div>
Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-91824573521166161032014-02-25T19:00:00.000-08:002014-02-25T19:00:00.661-08:00When Did Death Become Real For Me<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Having come again to blogging with my last post I was quickly followed up on by a friend of mine. This came in the form of a blog prompt. Having no idea what a blog prompt was I became intrigued.</span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This post is a response to the prompt by <span style="background-color: white; color: #2b2b2b; line-height: 24px;"><a href="http://theseekersdungeon.com/2014/02/20/dungeon-prompts-season-2-week-8-when-did-death-become-real-for-you/">DungeonPrompts</a> of "</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">WHEN DID DEATH BECOME REAL FOR YOU"</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
From the earliest part of my life, death seemed like something that took us away from pain. My grandparents took me to the Nazarene Church where they taught that heaven was a place of beauty and happiness. Here I began to see death as a solution to pain and not as a event to be feared.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I have thought of death as a positive transition best made at the end of a long life. I have never really feared death as a result.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
That was until one day in 2009 when my dad was killed in a motor cycle accident. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
My dad passed away leaving his fourth wife widowed. To me it felt like another exit. One he'd made so many times from past relationships. Another abandonment of his family and obligations. Of course this was the hurt kid inside me who was still holding on to anger towards him from my perception of his wrongs.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I was angry at his departure and felt justified in my judgement of his life. A few weeks after his departure I went on a vision quest. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
A quest I have been on since.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
As I have come to realize my father's death as much as anything has been a catalyst to live my life. Not a catalyst to use the time I have. Not a catalyst to let go of past wrongs. Not a catalyst to be honest. Not a catalyst to be loving and kind to others. Not a catalyst to accept my own mortality. Those things I could find without his death. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Instead it has been a catalyst to look for and find the repetitive patterns that do not support my highest and best. A catalyst to question my judgement of others and look for my projections of my own anxiety there in.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
A catalyst to be a greater presence in the world than I believed/believe I could/can be within this life time.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
As I look now upon my judgments of his life and the cycles I thought I saw there. I realize they are just reflections of my own patterns in the surface of his life. My patterns of setting up situations and people for me to be disappointed. Patterns of using my judgments to bolster my fragile ego to camouflage my internal anxiety. Anxiety that is deep rooted in the belief I am not good enough. Anxiety born of the anticipation of abandonment from everyone and everything.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I still believe that death is a transition. I however, am learning that the transition may not be one away from pain. The pain of anxiety is not a reality of our world but a reflection of my own internal fears about the nature of the world and my place in it.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Today I chose to live happy and fulfilled. Today I chose to let go my fear of abandonment and explore my life.</div>
</div>
Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-86763208141129199612014-02-20T11:25:00.003-08:002014-02-20T11:29:20.024-08:00Regarding Tony Robbins' book Awaken the Giant Within<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">I try to control the various ways that content comes into my life. Since I control the mechanisms and am open to what they bring me I do not believe that content comes to me by accident. It is meant for me.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">One such way I get content is my subscription to Audible.com. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">The other day I was setting up another device to get the content from my audible library. When I went to audible's web site there on the front page was an offer for Tony Robbins' book Awaken The Giant Within. So I grabbed it.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">For a long time I've known that Tony's work was out there and I have had a desire to meet him. However, Tony is very busy and his seminars far away and, in my mind, expensive. His seminars have felt out of my reach. So I abandoned the pursuit before it began.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">As I listened I got more and more excited about my dream of learning from Tony. But underneath the excitement was fear. It was fear without a name. It was Unconscious fear. I knew it was there because I have spent a few years learning how unconscious fear feels in my body. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">As I continued to listen to his book, for this first time, I began to get a sense of this fear. I started to "smell" a rat in my thinking.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">I turned my attention to listening to my body and putting my subconscious mind to work finding the words to go with the feeling. It came back quickly with the word "disappointment." Oh and a lot more words of self doubt. My internal voices were hard at work to get me off the trail and to stop the listening to the book. But I know these voices. Old friends they are.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Once I had the word I knew I was onto something.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">I know I am not unique in the fear of disappointment. I know that I am not alone in my decision to avoid "dreaming" or anticipating as a mechanism to protect myself from disappointment. In fact I thinking these beliefs make me pragmatic.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">You see I like being pragmatic. I like people who are pragmatic. I think that pragmatic people don't future trip. They don't put there focus into the future as a way to disassociate from the current moment.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">What I now realize, after analysis of these beliefs, is that I had conditioned myself to feel good in avoiding disappointment.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">In Tony's words. I had made a decision to avoid disappointment. I was using my knowing that future tripping could be a problem as a justification to abandon myself and to not dream. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">I was exercising my childhood skill of being needless and wantless.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Now on the trail of this rat I was ready to use my power of self analysis to find it. I went to my tried and true technique of questioning myself by asking a series of "Why is that a problem?"</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">The mistaken thinking I uncovered is partially captured in the following chain of answers to that question series:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Dreaming leads to disappointment.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Disappointment leads to depression.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Depression leads to acting out and disempowerment.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Disempowerment leads to inability to achieve my dreams.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">So the bottom line of mistaken belief was this:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">I will suffer and fail if I dream.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Sidebar: Lately I have been sharing with people an observation about resistance and time. Here is what I've been sharing.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">In the space between one second and the next there is enough time to let go of my resistance.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Now it was time to use this ample supply of time at my disposal to change my thinking. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Once I had the mistaken belief firmly in my mind. I calmed my mind using a simple meditation practice I use. Centered in the moment I focused on the mistaken belief and let it go.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Sidebar: The interesting part of writing this article is that in describing all the steps, thinking and process it's taken me most of a flight from Seattle to LA to write this. But the process occurred during part of a 25min drive from Shoreline to Bellevue. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Once I let go my resistance to dreaming I dove into the book. And as expected it was what I wanted. This book has been a very validating one. Many of my own ideas where there in the audio feed. Tony telling me things I already know, giving me new ways to think about them, and calling me to take action.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">I hear you Tony.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">I made a decision to follow the instructions and coaching in his book without reservation.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Writing this article is an action along my goals.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">I recommend the book for many reasons. The most powerful one is this:</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">It will help you to see your own resistance to achieving your life goals if you seek out the source of the negative voices that come up while listening or reading it. Once past your resistance it will give you a process and a call to take action.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">There are several people I want to thank who have been part of my process with this book.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"></span><br style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">My team mates at Nuance</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">My therapists</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">My close table top gaming friends</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">My wife</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Tony Robbins and the rest of the team that made the audio book.</span></div>
</div>
Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-54830433724269919002013-03-20T09:59:00.002-07:002013-03-20T09:59:46.353-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
2013 is going by in a blur.<br />
<br />
I just turned 44. The event of my birth is always a special month for me. I tend to use this time of year to work on my self esteem and to reflect back on who I have become.<br />
<br />
2012-2013 was a great year.<br />
<br />
I started the year working at Teleca and working with people who I had become very close to. Sergey, Kirill, Alexey, Tejas and others have become some distant friends. The great part of this was that along with Milos these friends are all originally from different countries.<br />
<br />
Having obtained a level of success in business and really worked to eliminate much of my fears and anxiety through spiritual and therapeutic processes and practice I find that this year around I am feeling more empowered to reach out and grow things beyond my own self.<br />
<br />
So for the 2013-2014 year I am exploring my own freedom from anxiety. What I'm finding is that I'm experiencing much more frustration around the lack of personal accomplishment. As a teach of mine is fond of saying, Anger is for you and it is a natural source of energy.<br />
<br />
So I am using the energy to create. To define my own path and drive to my own goals. At the office this is taking form as mentoring and coaching of the staff on my team. At home this is taking form in projects to develop a gaming convention and other creative aspects.<br />
<br />
I've decided to start blogging and sharing more of my creative ventures this year. My fear of talking of things or they will be taken over or discounted by others is now in my focus and I will be targeting it for elimination.<br />
<br />
Onward to greatness and feelings of joy and satisfaction in life.<br />
<br />
I am living my life right now.<br />
<br />
Dave<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-80416008218104300982012-04-09T09:18:00.002-07:002012-04-09T09:22:17.508-07:00Weekend of More of the SameThis weekend I spent several hours painting a wall in my house so it can hold magnets and thus allow me to put things on the wall without tacks or other hangers.<div><br /></div><div>Throughout the process I could tell I felt pressure. Pressure to get it done. Pressure to do it perfectly. Pressure to put asside things i value in order to prioritize it. </div><div><br />The pressure pushed me out of my true self and into a "beside myself" condition. I describe this as being aware of not being centered and in my integrity but not knowing what to do. </div><div><br />Therefore I didn't get to the gym as I had intended on Sunday. Instead I worked on the wall. </div><div><br /></div><div>This wall now will be a constant reminder of how often I set aside my goals for the immediate actions of perceived necessity. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-46737128567090159372012-04-06T17:29:00.004-07:002012-04-06T17:40:49.128-07:00The Higher Power of God comes through the people I know.I have let this blog be dorment for several years. 2010 through 2012 were times for me when I was very focused on many other projects. <div><br /></div><div>Mostly I have found that through this time I was experiencing a lot of starting things. Started F1337command.com. Started working for Teleca and building mobile applications. Worked for a very short time on a startup idea. </div><div><br /></div><div>But mostly I've been experiencing what I'd consider a conflict of personality. My personality crafted in my adult life and the personality crafted in my childhood. </div><div><br />As a child I learned to be capable. To quickly obtain new skills and to thrive in figuring things out. The struggle of my early life born out a man who went into the world armed with "do or do not." I became what I was most afraid I would not. I learned, grew, manifested, and blundered. </div><div><br /></div><div>Then in 2003 I began to transform my personality. As I have learned and grown I have discovered that while I was healing past wounds I was still struggling. Thriving was just always out of reach. </div><div><br /></div><div>As I entered into the middle part of 2011 this came to a head. Here I realized that if I am going to thrive I have to resolve this conflict between myself and myself. </div><div><br /></div><div>So this year i'm going to focus this blog on that conflict. Making a personal part of my struggle available for you to see. My goal is to provide an externalization of an internal conflict and to build a strength through outing myself to some degree. </div><div><br /></div><div>My first realization came to me this last week. I never listen to advice. I look for information but I am scared that if I do what other people suggest I will fail. Instead I turn over my power to the moments and my current understanding. </div><div><br /></div><div>My second realization came to me this week. I am intentional buy not accountable to many of the toughest changes I want to make in my life. </div><div><br /></div><div>So here is my chance and yours. I will hold myself daily accountable for my health program and I will take advice from others on what to do. I will find time in my life everyday to do both things.</div><div><br /></div><div>I will use my friends and advisors as my higher power and get their ideas and follow their input. </div><div><br /></div><div>Today I will stop being scared to not be perfect.</div>Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-32114510750591867402009-12-31T14:53:00.000-08:002010-01-13T08:04:55.621-08:00Will 2010 be a repeat performanceI thought I'd blog on 2009 since it seems very natural to do so. Here is a short list of things I'm grateful for that happened in 2009.<div><br /></div><div>1. My kids and I have continued to develop better and better relationships.</div><div>2. My wife and I have continued to develop a better and better relationship.</div><div>3. I was given a trip to Cabo in February. My first trip to Mexico and it was all expense paid.</div><div>4. I was given an opportunity to start several online business starting a year long process of learning. It has been an awesome experience and one I will continue into next year.</div><div>5. I participated in a legal proceeding where I started by representing myself. I discovered for myself the self-care in both participating and working on your own legal defense and hiring a lawyer. </div><div>6. I realized how much I have learned about intellectual property, business management, and contracting in the 15 years I've been working in corporate america.</div><div>7. I realized how wide my knowledge about product development, manufacturing, and quality assurance are big assets in the work I want to do promoting and selling gaming products.</div><div>8. I discovered the answer to my business objectives was to return to a hobby I have been not involved in for more than 15 years. Who knew that gaming would come back as a solution to many issues.</div><div>9. I have discovered that my spiritual self has always been with me and that god is on my side. His support guides much of what I do.</div><div>10. I have come to a deeper understanding that my desire and my abilities do not need to match perfectly when I start something. I can fail at things and it will not only be just fine its actually the road to success.</div><div>11. I am more willing to push for something I want because I have learned that the only downside of forcing things forward is that I have to face my fear. Facing my fear is one of the biggest challenges of my life. </div><div>12. I realized with the death of my father that I too had a limited physical experience here and that I would not let up while I'm here.</div><div><br /></div><div>My plan for 2010 is simple. Continue to be creative and live in the moment. My goals are simple and challenging. </div><div><br /></div><div>To anyone who reads this before or after Jan 2010. God bless you. </div>Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-36558088537234126542009-12-29T09:36:00.000-08:002009-12-29T10:02:02.223-08:00TransitionMany things have happened in my life since my last blog post. Which is the primary reason for my lack of posting. <div><br /></div><div>The biggest change is that my father died in a motorcycle accident on September 11th 2009. He was 60 yrs old. I am 40yrs old.</div><div><br /></div><div>My dad and I were good friends. Over the last 23 years, after I came to live with him in High School, I have come to understand and accept my dad and our relationship. It has always been a struggle for me being from a family with many dysfunctions but my dad's long stint with recovery from Alcoholism was a major influence on me as a young man and began a life long process of change that I continue through today. </div><div><br /></div><div>When I was in seventh grade I went to live with my dad in Salem, OR. He was newly sober after realizing that he was addicted to Alcohol. A sobriety that would last until his death. I believe that it was this time in my life which gave me the clarity and sobriety to avoid alcohol addiction. Thank you dad for getting sober early enough in my life that I could learn from you prior to embarking on my adult path.</div><div><br /></div><div>Over the remaining years of my child hood I would come and go from different family arrangements and eventually I came once again to live with my dad. He had divorced and remarried in the 4 years that I hadn't lived with him. So as I entered 11th grade I settled into what seemed like the first Father-Son relationship of my life. Of course neither of us were skilled at being a father and son and we had a lot of baggage to overcome but we did reach an understanding and developed a relationship that would last the next 23 years of my life. </div><div><br /></div><div>It was this relationship and the lessons I tried to learn from my dad's mistakes that have propelled me into adult hood. I was little D and he was big D. Although in many ways my dad never was the kind of father I want to be he was a good one. He tried his best. It was with this acceptance that I found great peace in my life around this relationship. </div><div><br /></div><div>However, on September 11th I became big D. Gone from my life is the person who my mother said I was just like. Gone from my life was a man I never saw achieve the things he wanted. My father taught me many things, but the lessons I've learned the most from him were things he learned the hard way. </div><div><br /></div><div>I am not really anything like my dad. Physically, emotionally, and personality we are very different. There were some similarities in mannerisms but beyond such affections we never set our sail the same way. </div><div><br /></div><div>My father was content at being a mechanic for nearly 40 years. While he wanted more for himself he never took the risk to strike out and go for it. As I strive into the future I will look back upon the life of my father with love and fondness but also with a resolve. A resolve that my life is not a reflection of his. I am not limited by my belief structure. I create and modify my beliefs to reflect an ever growing understanding of truth.</div><div><br /></div><div>My father loved many, many people. My father was a great man and he will be remembered by the hundreds of people he loved. My life was enriched by him and I will resolve to life my life in a way that would make him proud.</div><div><br /></div><div>--Religious Note</div><div>As you may or may not believe in an afterlife this portion of my blog post may ring true or not.</div><div><br /></div><div>In my life time there are three people who I know are watching out for me from the afterlife. My grandfather Kester, my grandfather McLeod, and my father. I know that they are part of a long chain of ancestors who I am connected to through god. </div><div><br /></div><div>As a spiritual being I am connected to them even after death. I know they will always be with me.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-92227317705493454522009-09-01T09:48:00.000-07:002009-09-01T10:07:29.595-07:00Focus back on Self-CareWell all, its been a very busy month. I can't believe how much I've been enjoying life through spending time with my wife and kids, working hard, and learning.<div><br /></div><div>So this post I wanted to point out some tools that I have found usefull in not only getting through my days happy but actually being spiritually fullfilled.</div><div><br /></div><div>1. Spend as much time as possible enjoying nature. This is something I'm just learning to do and I dont' do nearly enough.</div><div>2. Spend some time each day taking stock in the little things that need doing in your environment. The little things bring a lot of joy.</div><div>3. Spend some time each day in prayer or meditation. Relaxing your mind from the "figure it out" rat race by just connecting with god creates ripple effects in your life.</div><div>4. Study something. Increasing knowledge and exploring new topics is always inspiring.</div><div>5. Be careful with your words and monitor your emotional state closely. The more you learn about how your feelings are really determined by your own thinking the more you'll likely realize that saying things and trying to fix problems you percieve from an emotional place really don't get you want you want and create conflict and strife.</div><div><br /></div><div>I know for me the daily activities can get me off my track and they surely have over the last few months. But I realize now more than ever its vital for my mental progress and health to practice good self care.</div><div><br /></div><div>Dave </div>Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-36352496865100641732009-07-27T13:43:00.000-07:002009-07-27T15:01:20.972-07:00Twitter ManagementAs some of you may know I started a few months ago connecting with people through twitter. <div><br /></div><div>My goals of this were simple. Connect with people of similar knowledge, skills, interest, and objectives as myself.</div><div><br /></div><div>I realized quickly that this was a hard task. With thousands and millions of people out there finding the ones I was interested in seemed harder than I expected. And also, it was time consuming to manage. </div><div><br /></div><div>Pretty quickly I figured out I wanted to automate many of the tasks I was doing manually. The problem was I didn't have the time to develope the tools and still do everything else I need/want to do. I was a customer looking for a solution. :)</div><div><br /></div><div>My requirements were simple:</div><div>1. Automatically follow people who tweet keywords I'm interested in.</div><div>2. Follow back real people who follow me.</div><div><br /></div><div>After days of playing with different tools I didn't find it. And then one day my friend Ray Levesque says, hey check out <a href="http://bit.ly/qjQCj">Tweet Spinner.</a></div><div><br /></div><div>The problem with Tweet Spinner is the UI. The simple layout hides the powerful functionality. In addition it isn't intuitive how to configure and setup the options.</div><div><br /></div><div>But once you do have them setup its great. If you like to Autofollow people you can do that but unlike other features this one allows you to filter out people based on keywords they use. It doesn't eliminate ending up following bots but it reduces it a lot.</div><div><br /></div><div>But the feature I like best is the Follow On Keyword. Tweet Spinner monitors the public domain and if someone tweets about something I'm interested in I can follow them.</div><div><br /></div><div>If anyone has other questions about Twitter I'll be glad to answer if I know something about the question.</div><div><br /></div>Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-3678516497599592672009-06-14T11:36:00.000-07:002009-06-14T11:44:27.936-07:00Dungeons and DragonsI haven't been blogging much while I focus on my Outsourcing site content development. <div><br /></div><div>But I wanted to blog about my newly rediscovered interest in D&D.</div><div><br /></div><div>As a kid I played D&D and the friends I made playing the game are still close to me more than 20yrs later. The game for me was an activity, a hobby, an exploration of who I wanted to be and a way to stay busy as a kid. </div><div><br /></div><div>The benefits of playing were:</div><div>1. An increased interest in academic fields expecially European history.</div><div>2. An increased understanding and interest in the nature of things, physics, and psychology.</div><div>3. An increased expression of creative energy and exploration of my creative process.</div><div><br /></div><div>So as I reach 40 I realize that there was something I desired in my life and that is a giving back to youth and youthfull ways. </div><div><br /></div><div>My love of games has never really died down including 3 yrs of playing World of Warcraft. But today I find my desire is more to connect, create, and learn than to accomplish. Online MMOs are more about accomplishment since the world is created for you, the stories you can tell are limited by the lore of the game designers. So that has led me back to Paper based games.</div><div><br /></div><div>Well recently I have been visiting gaming stores. Those gaming stores have brought me closer to another understanding. I want to be a presence in the lives of younger people. To help them find themselves and reach their potential. Gamers are my peeps. Playing games is my hobby and therefore is a perfect synergy for me. </div><div><br /></div><div>So I'm working on a D&D Campaign and I'll begin running it next month at the local gaming store. Its going to be a blast. I'm looking forward to making new connections and exploring my creative side.</div><div><br /></div>Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-42924778339272787142009-05-10T12:54:00.001-07:002009-05-11T10:03:23.993-07:00Recovering From SurgeryOver the last week I've been in for surgery for a repair of an umbilical hernia. Can't say as it was a big deal but since I've only ever had two procedures before in my life it is not normal course of business for me.<div><br /></div><div>I fared well. I am healing and have been off the pain pills for more than 24hrs. The surgery was on Wednesday morning and my last pill was Friday in the middle of the night.</div><div><br /></div><div>In that time I've done really well emotionally with plenty of rest and relaxation. I can tell you that the experience has been a good one for me and I am glad I took care of this minor health issue instead of waiting. </div><div><br /></div><div>Some of the things I've done to help my recovery:</div><div><ol><li>Listened to and followed my Dr.'s instructions.<br /></li><li>Was mentally and physically prepared before the surgery by getting plenty of rest, exercise, and healthy eating the previous two weeks.<br /></li><li>Was mentally prepared from being away from work. As many of you are, I am an important team member. Being away produces stress for me because I have a desire for things to go well at all times. I have a very high bar around project execution.<br /></li><li>Prepared my spiritual practice ahead of time and invited others to pray for me. </li><li>Empowered the people in my life to make decisions for me. I did not stress over any detail of running the house, getting food, finding keys, etc... I let others take that burden and let whatever perceived mistakes happen just be "the way it should have gone."</li><li>I did not invoke stress as a coping mechanism against fear. I let my feelings come and go and kept free of worry and anxiety. When I felt fear I reviewed the information I had and if I didn't have any questions I realized I was hooked by unrealistic fear and meditated instead.</li></ol><div>These things really helped me in staying clear, being alert and attentive to what was happening, and in the end contributed to a fairly stress free experience. </div><div><br /></div><div>I think I'll be doing these things more when I'm not going in for surgery.</div><div><br /></div><div>~Dave</div></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family:arial;font-size:13px;"><blockquote><br /></blockquote></span></div><div><br /></div>Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5021541943183998995.post-3508115374788609602009-04-08T07:49:00.000-07:002009-04-08T08:34:35.272-07:00Giving backOver the last week I've been really gaining a lot of new connections on twitter. Its been fun to get a chance to meet all of the new people. But for the most part the connections really haven't gone very far. They seem to stop after just a moment of @SOandSO and back.<div><br /></div><div>I think this may be because we are all being plowed by so many offers. We are getting numb because we can't tell which ones are of value and which ones are just noise. </div><div><br /></div><div>I have been following up on every new follower by looking at their twitter profile and the web page they link.</div><div><br /></div><div>What I've seen are hundreds of offers of lists of things to do, things to buy, or services to purchase. With 700 followers and so many offers for purchases I haven't been able to filter enough to find the offers where people want to work with me on something, offer me assistance, or just take care of something I need. Perhaps we are scared to just give away our time. Perhaps we only do that for close friends or people we think we'll do business with in the future or charities. </div><div><br /></div><div>Even when I thought of the idea of just giving away support myself I was scared and angry at the thought. The voices that stop me from action came shooting from inside my head, "My effort and even my idea wont be appreciated, no one will want my services, they won't value my time, they wont understand my intent, they won't see that I really do value their needs, they wont like me."</div><div><br /></div><div>The idea almost died on the vine just then. </div><div><br /></div><div>But then my higher self came in and I realized that I need to be the change I want to see in the world. </div><div><br /></div><div>So I'm offering to do something for the first five people to ask me. The maximum time commitment I can make for each task is 2hrs per task and I will complete the task within a week. I'll be doing one or two of them a day.</div><div><br /></div><div>Here are a few things I can do very well:</div><div>1. Project Planning: you provide me description of the project and what the end results will be I'll help you build a schedule.</div><div>2. Code inspections: you provide me some code in any of the following languages and I'll provide you my feedback. C, C++, Java, C#, ActionScript, VB Script, etc... you get the idea. I'm a senior software engineer by training.</div><div>3. Project Scope definitions: you provide me with the context of your project in as much detail as you can and I'll provide you up to a two page project scope document.</div><div>4. Design review: you provide me a software design and I'll provide you a design review against standard design methodologies. I have been designing software since 1992 so I have some knowledge in this.</div><div>5. Project Assessment: provide as much detail as possible and I'll provide you an assessment and 10 things you can do to improve your project performance. Also, if you provide the necessary schedule and completion data I'll provide you an earned value assessment.</div><div>6. Professional coaching about a work environment or work process problem. I'm willing to make the long distance call on my dime (which is already paid for because I have unlimited calling time.)</div><div>7. Anything else you can think of that I can help you with.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am offering these things for free. You pay nothing. I will not store your email address or contact information for any purpose. I will not bug you about the services I offer or products I sell.</div><div><br /></div><div>Again this offer is: I will perform any of the above 7 tasks for you within the next week. I can spend a max of two hours on each task but I'll give you a full dedicated effort on your task.</div><div><br /></div><div>If anyone who reads this would like to also participate in this giving exercise let me know and we can find a way to start spreading the load. </div><div><br /></div><div>The first five people to contact me I'll list here and we'll get things rockin.</div><div><br /></div><div>My email is djkester (at) gmail.com. Please, include "Plz, help me with" followed by the task in the subject of your email.</div><div><br /></div><div>Dave</div><div><br /></div>Avermhirhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11843164866677980082noreply@blogger.com7