Welcome!
Today I'd like to thank you for reading my blog. It is a great
pleasure to write and share with you and I appreciate your taking the
time to read it.
This
post is inspired by a blog prompt from Dungeonprompts. This week's
prompt is DREAMING BIG.
To
dream big?!? When I grew up, dreams in our house were very small. Yet
we did dream all the same. We dreamed of my parents finding jobs. We
dreamed of having a good place to live. We dreamed of having more
than just enough to survive. Our home was full of small hopes. Hopes
that never died even through the adversity we faced. Each new place
and circumstance came with its own dreams.
My
story begins there. As I grew up I learned to keep my eyes on the
ground in front of me. To keep my hopes and dreams small. To get what
I wanted and needed one step at a time. And I am glad to say that I
have come a long way one small dream at a time.
But
to dream big? The very idea is daunting. To write this blog post
gives part of me a sense of dread. To that part of me dreaming big is
to suffer big disappointment, and to write about dreaming big makes
it that much closer to a reality. Thus it brings me that much closer
to inner death. The death of a dream born on the wings of adversity
and eventual disappointment.
So
my internal pragmatist jumps in and takes over, keeping my vision
short-sighted and my hopes well within the level that my inner fears
will not be triggered by. Yet it's not a pragmatism born of knowledge
about how to go about achieving my goals. It's a pragmatism born of
my fear of falling short of my dreams. It's a very limiting
pragmatism.
But
to dream big? The very idea creates feelings of anticipation. The
very thought of dreaming big is enough to get me (F)eeling (E)xcited
(A)nd (R)eady. My pulse rate rises and my mind races through the
paths of prediction, blazing through the imagined futures of my
possibilities.
But
I am confused by this inner sense of readiness. It feels the same as
real fear. It reminds me of the pain of disappointment. It reminds me
that I never got to play the trumpet. It reminds me of Boy Scout
badges unearned. It reminds me of the fighting in my family and the
break-ups that forced us to move again and again. It reminds me of
the anger of others at me for staying in my room and working on my
games.
In my mind all possibilities of achieving my dreams become blocked. So I flee back
away from those big dreams. I put my head down and continue along the
small dreams, the dreams my own limiting thinking believes are
possible.
But
to dream big!! I never learned to be a quitter, but I have been
quitting. I have quit before I even began. I have quit to avoid the
anticipation of fear. Anxiety strikes again!
Until
this blog prompt I never focused my mind on the question. If I was to
dream big what dreams would I have?
I
have no five-year plans. I have no vision of myself beyond the next
iteration. All my goals and plans are related to small dreams. Don't
get me wrong. My goals have placed me along a path that can take me
far. But my vision on that path is placed firmly right on the ground
in front of my feet.
To
dream big? You know, I don't really know what that is like to do. I
can imagine it's like walking with my head faced up to the sky of
possibility without knowing what my feet will encounter. But what if
I trip? What if I lose? What if I fail?
Those
voices are strong, but I know them all too well. The voices that I
learned so long ago. Voices that do not now serve my highest and
best.
So
today I will choose to Dream Big!
Will
you dare with me to dream big? Will you share your dreams with me
here? Will you post a dream you are afraid to share out loud in the
comments below? Will you share with us here that thing that makes you
feel excited and ready? Will you?
I
will get us started.
I
dream to speak to groups and crowds and let my story serve as
inspiration to those whom it will.
I
dream of meeting Tony Robbins and spending time sharing ideas with
him.
I
dream to publish a table-top role-playing game and a novel.
I
dream to blog and vlog so others can remember, laugh, and cry along
with me.
I
dream to create and learn something new everyday, so that when I look
back there is a trail of works in my path of learning.
Thank
you and bless you one and all for being present in, and participating
in, my life.
Your post reminds me of a metaphor I use a lot. "Fear and Excitement are two sides of the same coin." I hear both as you describe your process. Powerful post.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, thank you for sharing :)
ReplyDeleteIt's not too late to learn the trumpet! I dream to learn the trumpet one day too!
ReplyDelete@Shantini. I wonder where I learned it from? :P You have been a great guide and support to me. I've known you now 11 years.
ReplyDelete@Sreejit. Thanks for the reminder. Right now the trumpet isn't very high on my dream list. But I am thinking about learning to play an instrument. Its just down the list. :)
ReplyDelete