Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts

22 March 2014

Work-Life Balance : Commitments and Boundaries

Welcome! Thank you stopping by. It is a great pleasure to write these articles.


I have spent my career working in the high-tech industry. The high-tech industry has provided me with steady work and great opportunities to grow and succeed for more than 20 years. During my career, one of the greatest struggles I've had is the management of my personal work-life balance. In this post I'm going to explain a few things I've done as part of effectively managing myself to achieve my desired work-life balance.


Work-life balance is almost a joke in many companies. Most of high-tech industry has set the work hours between 45 and 50 per week. I'm not talking about expected overtime. This 45-50 is the normal work week. Add on top of that the expectation of extra effort and you are finding yourself working 60 hour weeks.


Early in my career, I started out as a software engineer and then moved into project management. I remember one especially tough time in my career when, for a period of two years, I worked more than 60 hours per week. Sometimes I would work more than 40 hours in a row. The longest single working session was 68 hours without stopping.


As you can imagine this kind of workload was due to many factors that also increased my personal stress load. Eventually I had a 3 am panic attack at work.


This led to a recalibration of my work-life balance. In the re-calibration I did find a lot of relief from many of the factors that impacted project performance. I was relieved from much of my stress and I'm glad to say I've never had a repeat of the events that led to my panic attack.


The following are a set of rights and their corresponding boundaries I developed to help me avoid the kind of catastrophic issues that led to my sense of overwhelm at work. These boundaries evolved from many things but their core comes from the "Teflon Coating" I talked about in my blog post on Commitment and the Developer's Bill Of Rights identified by Steve McConnell in his book The Software Project Survival Guide. You can find them referenced in this article on the Tales of Agile Software Development blog.


These personal boundaries helped me in moving away from 60+ hour work weeks, the overwhelming feelings of inadequacy, and the failure to produce top quality work products. They are:


  • It is expected that the project sponsors, customers, and leadership will set the project objectives and clarify priorities. -- Boundary: I will not work in an environment where objectives and priorities are not clear.


  • It is expected that I will be given detailed descriptions in enough clarity for me to understand the  products I am to create. -- Boundary: I will not work on tasks where the requirements and specifications are unclear to me.


  • It is expected that I will be allowed to work with customers, managers, and other team members where the entire organization is held to the same project commitments. -- Boundary: I will not be held to project deadlines that are not shared by all of the team members, customers, and leadership team members.


  • It is expected that I am allowed to work in a technically responsible way, so as not to be forced to implement the product until the design is completed. -- Boundary: I will not start coding before the design is completed.


  • I will determine the effort and schedule estimates for any work I am to perform. -- Boundary: I will not be held to deadlines determined by estimates I did not create.


  • I am allowed to accurately report my work effort so that the entire team can review the estimates and commitments during the execution of the project. -- Boundary #1: I will not work on projects where there is no allowed estimation error; Boundary #2: When additional requirements are revealed to me I will re-estimate my effort and update my estimate for completion.


  • I will work in a productive environment free from frequent interruptions and distractions, especially during critical parts of the project. -- Boundary: I will not work if my environment is not conducive to effective work effort. Specifically, my environment should be clear of any distractions be they sights, sounds, or smells.


  • My involvement in activities (training, meetings, etc..) that do not directly affect my work products will be minimal, and I will be supported in reducing effort on tasks that do not add value to the execution of my work, unless to do so would cause potential financial harm to the company. -- Boundary: I will not allow anyone to add additional work to my plate that is not scheduled into my normal work time.


  • My teammates are responsible for holding their own boundaries and obtaining the levels of productivity they commit to. -- Boundary: I will not be held responsible for the lack of productivity or boundaries of others.


  • When I am working on creating estimates, it’s my responsibility to ensure that I have thought through the entire problem I'm having presented to me, and to ensure that my estimates are accurate and complete to the best of my knowledge. -- Boundary: I will not commit to estimates that I do not believe I can complete.


  • When my actual effort and schedule do not match my estimates I will notify the management of my project as soon as possible so they are aware and can take the appropriate action. -- Boundary: I will not act like I'm making effective progress when I am not.


  • Progress towards any significant work effort is completed in manageable work tasks. I will decompose the project into a set of work products using an effective work methodology that allows me to finish visible and complete work products at least once every two weeks. -- Boundary: I will produce a solid work product that others can review and use at least as frequently as once every two weeks.


By implementing and holding to these boundaries I have found that two things happen:


  1. My efforts are more directed, focused, and effective. I achieve greater results for my efforts.
  2. With these boundaries I am taking responsibility of my work load and commitments.


This means that if I am having trouble maintaining a work-life balance, it is up to me to fix the problem, either by living by my boundaries, or by changing my commitments.


I know that as you read this you may have strong reactions as to why these boundaries are hard. You may feel that the company you work for won't allow you to hold them.


You have hundreds if not thousands of reasons to think that. I can only offer that, like you, I also felt that way. But by doing my best at holding my boundaries and taking ownership of the problems I face, I have transformed my experiences and found great relief from the anxiety that led me to a poor work-life balance.


Thank you so much for coming to read this post. I hope that you are feeling blessed, and your life is filled with hope.

13 March 2014

Secrets

Welcome! You are awesome! Thank you for the chance to share my ideas with you.

This week’s DungeonPrompt is SECRETS.

My first reaction to this prompt was to not do it. The word secrets brings up shame from my past. But I have a commitment to blog and so I turned toward my fear and let go my anxiety about it. After releasing my anxiety I realized I hadn’t updated my perception of myself. You see…

In my childhood there were all kinds of secrets. Secrets I kept from my grandmother about the things I did at my house during the week. Secrets I kept from my mom so I wouldn't get in trouble. Secrets I kept from everyone because I was scared that they would be angry at me. But the darkest were the secrets I kept from myself. The secret that I wasn't really safe in the world. The secret that even God didn't love me unless I did what he wanted.

I believed in that young age that all of these secrets kept me safe. I determined that to be sneaky was to be in control.

Sometimes even today that older version of me still stored in my subconscious leaks into my conscious mind. He told me to not write this article. He told me to keep this part of myself a secret.

I love him but he no longer drives the boat.

In the intervening years I have, of course, gained further refinements to my understanding of secrets. I learned that having secrets was more complex than I first thought.

In some cases keeping secrets had a positive result:

  • Demonstrating integrity
  • Being trustworthy
  • Respecting boundaries
  • Avoiding gossip

In other cases keeping a secret was less impeccable:

  • Playing it close
  • Not telling all of the story
  • Acting ignorant or playing it dumb

And at the times when I was most out of integrity secrets allowed me to:

  • Hide things
  • Lie outright
  • Spread a rumor
  • Gain control

Let’s just say I developed a complex relationship with secrets. :)

In 2003 I made an agreement to not be sneaky and lie. Around this same time I obtained a copy of the book, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) by Don Miguel Ruiz. In the book the agreement to be Impeccable with my word seemed right but when I looked at the descriptions in the book that younger version of me started to look for loopholes. I was up against a lifetime of using secrets to make myself feel safer.

From then I worked on holding myself accountable for being sneaky and worked to determine what was driving me underneath anytime I was not impeccable with my word.

As I worked on this I found several themes:

  1. When I was afraid I was more willing to forgo my integrity and lie
  2. When I was angry I was more willing to tell a story that made me look good
  3. When I was sad I was more willing to be disappointed and to act hurt by others
  4. Shame and guilt from my lack of integrity only led to cycles of deceit

So today I've learned that for me the challenge of being impeccable with my word has more to do with my internal state than any issue of self control, morality, or discipline. I am able to live in my integrity when I am not being driven by my emotional reactions.

Patience with myself, self-forgiveness for my wrongs, and humility about who I am instead of shame and guilt are the path to living in my integrity. Through the blessing of God and the healing of love I can stay in my integrity, for love is the source of my patience, forgiveness, and humility.

As I increase my self-esteem and unveil my true potential and capabilities, I am less and less reactionary. When I’m more comfortable in my skin, I listen to that scared internal kid less and less. Those old memories come back from time to time like a long lost friend. I can treat them with love but not let them get a hold of me.

However, the road of life has potholes. So the secrets I keep and the lack of integrity I might show from inside a pothole are not a reflection of my highest self. They are instead reflections of my fear and frustration born from the rut in the road. With sincere kindness for self I will slow down for the potholes so I can pass through them without so much chaos, fear, or anger.

Thanks to Sreejit for another great Prompt. Thanks to you for reading and sharing in my blog. I wish love, joy, and serenity to you.