31 December 2009

Will 2010 be a repeat performance

I thought I'd blog on 2009 since it seems very natural to do so. Here is a short list of things I'm grateful for that happened in 2009.

1. My kids and I have continued to develop better and better relationships.
2. My wife and I have continued to develop a better and better relationship.
3. I was given a trip to Cabo in February. My first trip to Mexico and it was all expense paid.
4. I was given an opportunity to start several online business starting a year long process of learning. It has been an awesome experience and one I will continue into next year.
5. I participated in a legal proceeding where I started by representing myself. I discovered for myself the self-care in both participating and working on your own legal defense and hiring a lawyer.
6. I realized how much I have learned about intellectual property, business management, and contracting in the 15 years I've been working in corporate america.
7. I realized how wide my knowledge about product development, manufacturing, and quality assurance are big assets in the work I want to do promoting and selling gaming products.
8. I discovered the answer to my business objectives was to return to a hobby I have been not involved in for more than 15 years. Who knew that gaming would come back as a solution to many issues.
9. I have discovered that my spiritual self has always been with me and that god is on my side. His support guides much of what I do.
10. I have come to a deeper understanding that my desire and my abilities do not need to match perfectly when I start something. I can fail at things and it will not only be just fine its actually the road to success.
11. I am more willing to push for something I want because I have learned that the only downside of forcing things forward is that I have to face my fear. Facing my fear is one of the biggest challenges of my life.
12. I realized with the death of my father that I too had a limited physical experience here and that I would not let up while I'm here.

My plan for 2010 is simple. Continue to be creative and live in the moment. My goals are simple and challenging.

To anyone who reads this before or after Jan 2010. God bless you.

29 December 2009


Many things have happened in my life since my last blog post. Which is the primary reason for my lack of posting.

The biggest change is that my father died in a motorcycle accident on September 11th 2009. He was 60 yrs old. I am 40yrs old.

My dad and I were good friends. Over the last 23 years, after I came to live with him in High School, I have come to understand and accept my dad and our relationship. It has always been a struggle for me being from a family with many dysfunctions but my dad's long stint with recovery from Alcoholism was a major influence on me as a young man and began a life long process of change that I continue through today.

When I was in seventh grade I went to live with my dad in Salem, OR. He was newly sober after realizing that he was addicted to Alcohol. A sobriety that would last until his death. I believe that it was this time in my life which gave me the clarity and sobriety to avoid alcohol addiction. Thank you dad for getting sober early enough in my life that I could learn from you prior to embarking on my adult path.

Over the remaining years of my child hood I would come and go from different family arrangements and eventually I came once again to live with my dad. He had divorced and remarried in the 4 years that I hadn't lived with him. So as I entered 11th grade I settled into what seemed like the first Father-Son relationship of my life. Of course neither of us were skilled at being a father and son and we had a lot of baggage to overcome but we did reach an understanding and developed a relationship that would last the next 23 years of my life.

It was this relationship and the lessons I tried to learn from my dad's mistakes that have propelled me into adult hood. I was little D and he was big D. Although in many ways my dad never was the kind of father I want to be he was a good one. He tried his best. It was with this acceptance that I found great peace in my life around this relationship.

However, on September 11th I became big D. Gone from my life is the person who my mother said I was just like. Gone from my life was a man I never saw achieve the things he wanted. My father taught me many things, but the lessons I've learned the most from him were things he learned the hard way.

I am not really anything like my dad. Physically, emotionally, and personality we are very different. There were some similarities in mannerisms but beyond such affections we never set our sail the same way.

My father was content at being a mechanic for nearly 40 years. While he wanted more for himself he never took the risk to strike out and go for it. As I strive into the future I will look back upon the life of my father with love and fondness but also with a resolve. A resolve that my life is not a reflection of his. I am not limited by my belief structure. I create and modify my beliefs to reflect an ever growing understanding of truth.

My father loved many, many people. My father was a great man and he will be remembered by the hundreds of people he loved. My life was enriched by him and I will resolve to life my life in a way that would make him proud.

--Religious Note
As you may or may not believe in an afterlife this portion of my blog post may ring true or not.

In my life time there are three people who I know are watching out for me from the afterlife. My grandfather Kester, my grandfather McLeod, and my father. I know that they are part of a long chain of ancestors who I am connected to through god.

As a spiritual being I am connected to them even after death. I know they will always be with me.