Valid Responses to Drama

Sometimes in the world we run into people who are not all that healthy. These folks are often called dramatic or causing drama.

A model that helps us understand the nature of these dramatic interactions and our role in the communications that get going is the "Drama Triangle."

However, what I want to share today are some simple guidelines I use in avoiding drama with people who I must interact with but that are often attempting to get me on the triangle. 

In these situations here are my normal responses to comments attempting to get me into the drama:

1. I understand your point.

2. Are you asking me to make a change?

3. I have already committed to a change you asked for.

4. I have already said I will not commit to the change you asked for related to this item.

5. I understand what you’re saying and I respectably disagree with your point of view.

6. You have already said this about me several times and if you continue to attack me I will end the conversation.

7. Will you explain why you think this is a problem? (Ask for clarification)

8. Silence (learn the power of the pregnant pause.)

In case you need to present informaiton to this person (which I rarely do verbally) you should simply state facts. But in my experience there is not normally a good reason to present data to a person attempting to engage you in a dramatic conversation. Its best to write the facts down and present the information to the person that way.

However, if you need to respond or provide information constrain it to facts that are available from sensory input. 

Meaning if what you are talking about wasn't heard, seen, smelled, touched, or tasted you are probably not stating a fact but instead a conclusion or judgement. 

The facts should speak for themselves and differences in opinion, judgements, or conclusions are simply that differences. 

Further you should base your actions on your conclusions, judgements, and opinions but do not attempt to force them on to other person by trying to convince them that you are right and they are wrong.

Doubt a self imposed reality

Tonight I began my journey to go on a vision quest.

In the beginning of this journey I had several revelations but the most re-occuring was the observation that I have doubts in nearly everything I am trying to accomplish.

So I'm going to do the following to address my constant brain chatter which is the manifestation of my doubt and causes me anxiety.

1. I'm going to develop a daily reading to help me achieve me goals and release doubts. A couple of items for that reading already inspired are:
   • I have clarity and purpose.
     
   • The universe is my ally
2. I'm going to obtain an object that I use each morning to capture the doubts that my subconscious mind has generated each night.

My goal in these activities is to free my mind each day of the doubts that are in the subconscious which have been there most of my life. In this way I will be free to accomplish all that I desire.

The 80/20 Principle

I started listening to "The 80/20 Principle" audio book. And the rap referenced in the beginning of the book wont get out of my head. 

My current three thoughts on the 80/20 Principle aer:

1. That 80% of my extra weight comes from 20% of my food. 

My conclusion. Instead of changing what I'm eating and when I'm going to only adjust the size. When i eat fast food I'm ordering the smallest adult sizes of the items I want.

2. 80% of nutrients come most likely from 20% of my food. Because of this I'm going to focus on identifying those items I eat with the highest nutrient value and ensuring I get them each day.

3. 80% of your judgements of things result in small to no outputs. So the decisions you make are generally fed only by 20% of your judgements.

This frees my mind to not focus so much on judgements because I now can understand that most likely 4/5 of those judgements actually don't do me any good.

I know this isn't a principle that should be flailed around like a bible of how to organize but putting things in context of 80/20 is very empowering to me.