23 October 2008

Hooked for a day

hooked for a day, hooked for a life time.

The belief that I am justified in my anger, sadness, or fear is a story I tell myself to stay miserable. Now that isn't my intent but its the effect. The intent is actually to preserve my own ego state. Its a self protection developed to keep me safe from thoughts of self doubt. The thoughts of a critical nature that are flags for a low self-esteem that we are in trouble. The belief that people will not like me or avoid me if my worst fears and judgements about myself are true.

So when someone slights me I can so easily slip into being a victim of their actions and create a story in my head of how I was wronged and will continue to be wronged. Its amazing to me the ability of my mind to create a reality so convincing that I can find no flaw in it yet mostly serves as a construct to support an ego state developed in my child hood. 

Now I don't want you all thinking I've lost my marbles. I'm not saying that I'm going to let people walk on me, treat me badly, or be rude to me. Its just that I can be self protective and honor my own needs without reverting to defensiveness, rationalizations, justifications, or judgements.

Setting boundaries and being honest are clear thinking tools that support me in being healthy in my interactions.

Holding on to anger, building resentments, gossip, and projection are ways I stay stuck in my dysfunction

Today I'll chose the former rather than the later.

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