Mostly I have found that through this time I was experiencing a lot of starting things. Started F1337command.com. Started working for Teleca and building mobile applications. Worked for a very short time on a startup idea.
But mostly I've been experiencing what I'd consider a conflict of personality. My personality crafted in my adult life and the personality crafted in my childhood.
As a child I learned to be capable. To quickly obtain new skills and to thrive in figuring things out. The struggle of my early life born out a man who went into the world armed with "do or do not." I became what I was most afraid I would not. I learned, grew, manifested, and blundered.
Then in 2003 I began to transform my personality. As I have learned and grown I have discovered that while I was healing past wounds I was still struggling. Thriving was just always out of reach.
As I entered into the middle part of 2011 this came to a head. Here I realized that if I am going to thrive I have to resolve this conflict between myself and myself.
So this year i'm going to focus this blog on that conflict. Making a personal part of my struggle available for you to see. My goal is to provide an externalization of an internal conflict and to build a strength through outing myself to some degree.
My first realization came to me this last week. I never listen to advice. I look for information but I am scared that if I do what other people suggest I will fail. Instead I turn over my power to the moments and my current understanding.
My second realization came to me this week. I am intentional buy not accountable to many of the toughest changes I want to make in my life.
So here is my chance and yours. I will hold myself daily accountable for my health program and I will take advice from others on what to do. I will find time in my life everyday to do both things.
I will use my friends and advisors as my higher power and get their ideas and follow their input.
Today I will stop being scared to not be perfect.