I try to control the various ways that content comes into my life. Since I control the mechanisms and am open to what they bring me I do not believe that content comes to me by accident. It is meant for me.
One such way I get content is my subscription to Audible.com.
The other day I was setting up another device to get the content from my audible library. When I went to audible's web site there on the front page was an offer for Tony Robbins' book Awaken The Giant Within. So I grabbed it.
For a long time I've known that Tony's work was out there and I have had a desire to meet him. However, Tony is very busy and his seminars far away and, in my mind, expensive. His seminars have felt out of my reach. So I abandoned the pursuit before it began.
As I listened I got more and more excited about my dream of learning from Tony. But underneath the excitement was fear. It was fear without a name. It was Unconscious fear. I knew it was there because I have spent a few years learning how unconscious fear feels in my body.
As I continued to listen to his book, for this first time, I began to get a sense of this fear. I started to "smell" a rat in my thinking.
I turned my attention to listening to my body and putting my subconscious mind to work finding the words to go with the feeling. It came back quickly with the word "disappointment." Oh and a lot more words of self doubt. My internal voices were hard at work to get me off the trail and to stop the listening to the book. But I know these voices. Old friends they are.
Once I had the word I knew I was onto something.
I know I am not unique in the fear of disappointment. I know that I am not alone in my decision to avoid "dreaming" or anticipating as a mechanism to protect myself from disappointment. In fact I thinking these beliefs make me pragmatic.
You see I like being pragmatic. I like people who are pragmatic. I think that pragmatic people don't future trip. They don't put there focus into the future as a way to disassociate from the current moment.
What I now realize, after analysis of these beliefs, is that I had conditioned myself to feel good in avoiding disappointment.
In Tony's words. I had made a decision to avoid disappointment. I was using my knowing that future tripping could be a problem as a justification to abandon myself and to not dream.
I was exercising my childhood skill of being needless and wantless.
Now on the trail of this rat I was ready to use my power of self analysis to find it. I went to my tried and true technique of questioning myself by asking a series of "Why is that a problem?"
The mistaken thinking I uncovered is partially captured in the following chain of answers to that question series:
Dreaming leads to disappointment.
Disappointment leads to depression.
Depression leads to acting out and disempowerment.
Disempowerment leads to inability to achieve my dreams.
So the bottom line of mistaken belief was this:
I will suffer and fail if I dream.
Sidebar: Lately I have been sharing with people an observation about resistance and time. Here is what I've been sharing.
In the space between one second and the next there is enough time to let go of my resistance.
Now it was time to use this ample supply of time at my disposal to change my thinking.
Once I had the mistaken belief firmly in my mind. I calmed my mind using a simple meditation practice I use. Centered in the moment I focused on the mistaken belief and let it go.
Sidebar: The interesting part of writing this article is that in describing all the steps, thinking and process it's taken me most of a flight from Seattle to LA to write this. But the process occurred during part of a 25min drive from Shoreline to Bellevue.
One such way I get content is my subscription to Audible.com.
The other day I was setting up another device to get the content from my audible library. When I went to audible's web site there on the front page was an offer for Tony Robbins' book Awaken The Giant Within. So I grabbed it.
For a long time I've known that Tony's work was out there and I have had a desire to meet him. However, Tony is very busy and his seminars far away and, in my mind, expensive. His seminars have felt out of my reach. So I abandoned the pursuit before it began.
As I listened I got more and more excited about my dream of learning from Tony. But underneath the excitement was fear. It was fear without a name. It was Unconscious fear. I knew it was there because I have spent a few years learning how unconscious fear feels in my body.
As I continued to listen to his book, for this first time, I began to get a sense of this fear. I started to "smell" a rat in my thinking.
I turned my attention to listening to my body and putting my subconscious mind to work finding the words to go with the feeling. It came back quickly with the word "disappointment." Oh and a lot more words of self doubt. My internal voices were hard at work to get me off the trail and to stop the listening to the book. But I know these voices. Old friends they are.
Once I had the word I knew I was onto something.
I know I am not unique in the fear of disappointment. I know that I am not alone in my decision to avoid "dreaming" or anticipating as a mechanism to protect myself from disappointment. In fact I thinking these beliefs make me pragmatic.
You see I like being pragmatic. I like people who are pragmatic. I think that pragmatic people don't future trip. They don't put there focus into the future as a way to disassociate from the current moment.
What I now realize, after analysis of these beliefs, is that I had conditioned myself to feel good in avoiding disappointment.
In Tony's words. I had made a decision to avoid disappointment. I was using my knowing that future tripping could be a problem as a justification to abandon myself and to not dream.
I was exercising my childhood skill of being needless and wantless.
Now on the trail of this rat I was ready to use my power of self analysis to find it. I went to my tried and true technique of questioning myself by asking a series of "Why is that a problem?"
The mistaken thinking I uncovered is partially captured in the following chain of answers to that question series:
Dreaming leads to disappointment.
Disappointment leads to depression.
Depression leads to acting out and disempowerment.
Disempowerment leads to inability to achieve my dreams.
So the bottom line of mistaken belief was this:
I will suffer and fail if I dream.
Sidebar: Lately I have been sharing with people an observation about resistance and time. Here is what I've been sharing.
In the space between one second and the next there is enough time to let go of my resistance.
Now it was time to use this ample supply of time at my disposal to change my thinking.
Once I had the mistaken belief firmly in my mind. I calmed my mind using a simple meditation practice I use. Centered in the moment I focused on the mistaken belief and let it go.
Sidebar: The interesting part of writing this article is that in describing all the steps, thinking and process it's taken me most of a flight from Seattle to LA to write this. But the process occurred during part of a 25min drive from Shoreline to Bellevue.
Once I let go my resistance to dreaming I dove into the book. And as expected it was what I wanted. This book has been a very validating one. Many of my own ideas where there in the audio feed. Tony telling me things I already know, giving me new ways to think about them, and calling me to take action.
I hear you Tony.
I made a decision to follow the instructions and coaching in his book without reservation.
Writing this article is an action along my goals.
I recommend the book for many reasons. The most powerful one is this:
It will help you to see your own resistance to achieving your life goals if you seek out the source of the negative voices that come up while listening or reading it. Once past your resistance it will give you a process and a call to take action.
There are several people I want to thank who have been part of my process with this book.
My team mates at Nuance
My therapists
My close table top gaming friends
My wife
Tony Robbins and the rest of the team that made the audio book.
