15 October 2008

Attachment to outcome

I am attached to outcomes I have no control over.

Oh that felt good to say. Its so easy for me in my job as a leader and delivery boy to focus on the outcomes of the project and associate my own success with those outcomes. After all if the project is not successful isn't it the responsibility of the Project Manager? Well yes and no. 

When I step back I'm always impressed with the ability of any group of people to organize to meet the measurable statics that are being reviewed by their bosses and customers. What I find, is that its my own ability to mesh into these groups that is in conflict. I am in conflict when others within a team or group are over committing, ineffectively working, and prolonging the project with unnecessary work tasks.

The basis of my conflict resides deep within my childhood psychological model.

I am not good enough because I am not an adult.
The world hurts and punishes children for being incompetent and not fixing the situations around them.
Therefore I take on responsibility for issues and objectives outside of my own control in attempt to fix problems and situations I have no control over

This is common childhood response to being raised by incompetent adults. Its not to say that our parents didn't love us and try their best its only to say that they themselves may have been operating under this same childhood psychological model and that they passed this along unconsciously

So for today I will revisit my emotional reactions to situations and my level of attachment to outcomes. I will disengage from situations outside my control and not respond to issues that are not directly brought to my attention for my resolution. I will work on the tasks I have assigned to me and let the aspects of the project outside of my direct control go where they will.

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